One Day, I Will Tell You: It’s Shame

One day, I don’t know when,
I will say all of this
to you.
Maybe it will be the day you decide
again
I’m loved.
Or perhaps
just one future day
But it will be
one day.

One day
I will tell you:
How I don’t understand
what you’ve done.
Saying, writing this
I am a
Fool
Stupid
Humiliated

How possible your words ?
Never voiced –
Never ! –
except to me:
Before the words were out, as you spoke of the abuse you’ve suffered
I knew,
and finished your sentence.
What you’d never voiced to anyone
You told me.

And then
You were gone.
How my love?
How ?

Exclaiming:
I love you more than I’ve ever loved
Then
You were gone
An Us no longer

How is it possible to be so
ruined ?
I loved you so –
I love you so –
Yet this ruptured, failing heart,
rent soul
Ruined.

I believed your words
my love. I believed.
There are age differences
I know.
But
I believed
You
Your words
I saw in you –
see in you –
More than you see yourself.

Humiliation and Foolishness
I know these sisters well
from a life lived.

Perhaps
I don’t understand
I won’t understand
Perhaps I can’t understand.

Or perhaps,
I do
Those words you said were not false
My vision of you was not a lie
I know why you now say there is no Us
You are ashamed
of me
of your feelings for me
of what someone might say

You have never met a man like me –
forgive this arrogance –
who sees, supports, and knows you
who loves you.
Perhaps you never will again.

You will throw away all of this
for a convention.
Rather crush me
than face your fear.
I know
Now I know

This
makes me saddest of all
Our undoing is your shame.
My love,
abandon your fear, not us.

I’ve no idea when
I will say all this
to you
Not for guilt.
No denial that you love whom you will.
But, my love words have
meaning
power.
Rendered speechless
powerless
My only defense
words.
Don’t take them from me

==================================

2017

At a latitude and longitude you know too well

 

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About teserak1

I am Noman
Gallery | This entry was posted in Now, Poetry and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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