This is the End

There are no more maybes
no more sort-ofs
The fantasies end
Over

A stuporous desire
to engage in behavior
we know we can’t
Over

Brief bathroom
phone calls
Over

Early morning Skype conversations
Over

All
Over

This is the end,
my only friend,
the end

I sit near tears
mine, yours
writing this last note

As if to a much-loved friend who
has died

Writing makes no difference
The friend is gone

Crying makes no difference
The friend is gone

Wishing makes no difference
The friend is gone

Yet I sit, near tears,
mine and yours
Wishing, writing, crying

All that I know to say I have said
Every metaphor I know
used

My poetry is gasping
bleeding
dying
Consumed with loss
that even poetry –
which only speaks
in pain –
cannot overcome

Over
All
Over

How can 12 weeks matter so
A granite rock rendered
to dust
Once solid and erect,
gone, dissolved
in tears and loss and a sense of
Forever

Our world will
of course
continue on its way
Little noting this
minor pain
In a world awash in
murder, injustice, hate
How does our little pain
matter

But to us –
even knowing that
caught between
Charybdis and Scylla are
the lives of good people
at risk –
this is not small

It is all the life we have
or will ever have
It is our decision
that will change who and what we are forever

It is all we have
all we will ever have
it is us

I say to you
my Helen
my Persephanie
goodbye

I will walk through the rest of this life
a cripple
Half of me gone
A half I didn’t know existed
until a fateful
12 weeks ago

I say to you
my Helen
my Persephanie
goodbye
farewell

I wish for you:
Joy
Love
Success
Happiness
Friends
Calmness
and
oh yes
Love

I wish you to be respected and seen
as I have seen and respected you

I wish you to be treated –
dare I say it –
as I have treated you

I wish you to be held and loved –
as I have loved and held you

But it will not be me,
perhaps your great love,
who will do this

This is the end,
my only friend,
the end

I will walk as the blind giant
in the Odyssey

Blind, reviled by his people
without a country
Unable to explain to anyone
what has happened
How the Wiley Odysseus
took his sight

I will walk
I will talk
I will smile
I will lie

All is well
I will say,
All is well

I fear all will never be well again

What difference could 12 weeks make ?

How is it possible to love so much that
one is damaged

How can such beauty
cause such pain

Perhaps there are gods and
at us
they laugh

This is the end,
my only friend,
the end

Even writing this
even in this pain
I would not trade those 12 weeks
keep the ignorance in which I lived
Not for anything

Helen
Persephanie
With olive eyes as deep as the Sea of Marmara
A smile that can kill a man
and makes the Mona Lisa blush with shame
And a slender, porcelain, supple neck that thousands died for
on the Plain of Troy

I say to you
again and forever:

I love you, I will love you, I have loved you
Te amo, Te amare, Te ame’
Σα αγαπω
SSY

I am yours
I was yours
I will always be yours

This is the end,
my only friend,
the end

I whisper in your ear:
This is the only life we have
or will ever have.

Live it well.

I am here.

071812
2332 hrs

040713
1141 hours

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